Past the Spider Lilies
by carnival-cafe
Summary: If this was the end of Sasaki Haise's story as an accomplished ghoul investigator, the least he could do was give his best farewells to the person who mattered most to him.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters in this story they belong respectfully to Sui Ishida.

 **Warning:** Themes of shounen-ai/yaoi/homosexual relationships and whatever, you know all that good stuff, fluffy and also some mild OOC-ness, timeskip's… If any of this bothers you then you have the option of not reading.

 **Music:** "Fallen" by Egoist

X

X

No matter how hard Sasaki tried to stay confident in himself and his abilities, to stay in control of who he was, the doubt and past truths lingered in the shadows, following right behind him with each step he took to move forward. They taunted him; unraveled him until he was bare and when he had nowhere left to run, he was trapped, cornered and caged miserably by the lies that had been created and what Sasaki had discovered to be the truth.

Sasaki didn't want to give up—that much was true and he didn't want to lose sight of everything he'd done to be where he was now nor forget the people who he came to regard and cherish but when the answers were within his reach, waiting for him in :re café, he knew he couldn't run away any further.

The past existed in the past. And yet, without it, he couldn't move on from his plateau or fend ignorance long enough to continue serving an organization that was bent on total destruction any longer.

Sasaki had been uncertain but in the back of his mind, Kaneki was patient with him, bidding his time and sharing what knowledge he knew. It'd become clear to Sasaki what needed to be done, although a part of him tensed, feeling that of all people, Arima deserved his farewell more than anyone else. Even if he was fearful of the repercussions that he knew was sure to follow, it was the least he could do.

They were sparring as usual. Only this time Sasaki was giving it everything he had. Not to say he never tried his best in the past but he felt that it was more crucial now than ever to prove his worth somehow. Or at least leave an impression that couldn't be long forgotten.

Pushing those thoughts aside, Sasaki concentrated on reading Arima's movements. But as usual, it seemed near impossible trying to predict the older man's actions as he kept himself light on his feet and swayed left to right to keep his protégé guessing. Sasaki predicted Arima's counterattack well enough to dodge roll clear out of the way from Arima's strike, however his recovery wasn't fast enough and in no time his mentor swerved around his blind spot and had him pinned down to the ground.

The only consolation Sasaki felt from their sparring session was seeing the layer of perspiration that coated his mentor's forehead and the deep intakes of air he took. That much Sasaki was able to give Arima a run for his money but even then they were difficult observations to notice unless one was purposefully looking for them. Still, Sasaki rather liked how it looked on Arima, the tiny beads of sweat rolling down the sides of his face and he couldn't help himself from licking his lips at the sight. And although he knew Arima was far from burnt out, the physical signs still left him somewhat proud that he'd been the one to cause them.

"Did I finally tire you out?"

"Hardly."

"But you're breaking out in sweat." Sasaki murmured with a grin.

A ghost of a smile appeared on Arima's lips at the other's comment. "True but that hardly means a thing." He insisted.

"Sure, if that's what you say." Sasaki replied, still grinning though his expression was beginning to soften now the longer he stared up at the older man.

Trying to tug his arm free, Sasaki felt for a moment how Arima's grip suddenly tightened, refusing to let him go but eventually he relented to his persistence. Sasaki then noticed the way his mentor's eyes looked saddened all of a sudden. He had the vague sense that Arima understood the emotions swirling inside of him—as if somehow he was able to see just what Sasaki was planning in the long hours to come. That alone frightened Sasaki considerably but what probably terrified him even more was how despite his fears, he reached up and began wiping the sweat off his mentor's skin before making an even bolder decision to bring Arima's face down for a kiss.

Kissing was still a new concept to him, something Sasaki didn't drabble in. He'd never had a partner before anyways but he'd seen more than enough movies and television dramas to know how to go about giving one. One thing was certain though—the physical contact, the moment their lips touched was an ignition similar to fireworks, with imaginary explosions happening left and right, cliché as it was.

Arima didn't reciprocate the kiss immediately though, much to Sasaki's dismay but gradually he moved his lips along with his—slowly and sensually. It made Sasaki's heart throb in his chest painfully but he ignored it to the best of his abilities, pressing his lips against Arima harder. With his other hand, Sasaki freed himself and then finally wrapped his arms around the older man's neck if only to bring him closer.

Sasaki always wondered what it would feel like to have his feelings returned—to kiss this man before him. He was an undefeated investigator, merciless in battle and probably every ghoul's worst nightmare. Even Sasaki, being as strong as he was, was frightened of his mentor's ability as well as the stories surrounding him and yet it didn't stop him from trying to pursue this moment of intimacy he felt for the older man.

 _'It's the least I can do_.' Sasaki thought as he opened his mouth and nibbled tentatively along Arima's lips.

Arima seemed to understand and he responded by parting his lips as well, allowing the younger man to sweep his tongue against his. Sasaki moaned as Arima's hands gripped at his hips, pulling their lower bodies together. Arima pressed their groins tightly and in reaction Sasaki grinded upwards, swirling his hips to meet his. The action made the older of the two groan lowly against his mouth and it sent shivers up Sasaki's spine. Assuming Arima enjoyed it; Sasaki did it again, slower this time and remembered to rub against him harder.

Will it go any further? Sasaki wondered, slowly pulling away and leaving behind a thinning thread of saliva between them before it burst completely.

"Haise." Arima mumbled his name, making the younger man quiver beneath him. "Is this what you want?"

Looking him in the eye, his cheeks beyond flushed, Sasaki nodded his head. "Kishou—please forgive me for this inappropriate behavior but I can't contain my feelings for you any longer…"

"Is that so?" Arima asked and again Sasaki nodded his head.

Without another word, Arima stood up, surprising Sasaki. The poor half-ghoul was beyond stunned, feeling rejected now but no sooner had his expression fallen did Arima lift him up and carry him away from the training hall. Sasaki remained silent, his eyes wide and he continued to keep his lips sealed—never saying a word even as he was brought to Arima's bedroom and placed down on the large mattress. He gazed upon the older man with observation in mind, lying down flat as Arima crawled towards him and hovered above him like a predator from the way his eyes glinted behind his ever present glasses.

One by one their clothes came off until there was nothing left to hide. Even Arima's precious glasses were set to the side despite the blurry vision he was now experiencing. Afterwards, Sasaki couldn't help himself from caressing Arima—touching every area of exposed skin that was within his reach and feeling the planes and ridges of muscle the older man had obtained after years of repeatedly fighting ghouls. His skin was near flawless though it still held a few scars, most of them minor if not extremely faint. He kissed them anyways though and Arima stared down at him, intrigued but never lifting a finger to stop him.

When Arima finally ended his timid advances after some time spent on suckling at his throat, Sasaki was met with possessive force, one that pinned him down and made him writhe loudly from the penetration of the older man's digit. It wasn't long before one finger turned into two and despite the pain it brought—there was a line of pleasure laced with it as hard as it was to believe.

"Never forget this feeling." Arima whispered into Sasaki's ear, his fingers scissoring inside him before pulling them out then shoving them back in only to repeat the process several more times.

With a gasp, Sasaki's head fell back, but no sooner had the digits been taken out, they were quickly replaced by something larger. The blunt head of the older man's member rubbing against his entrance was one indication for Sasaki to prepare himself and he inhaled sharply the moment Arima thrust his hips forward and forced his entire length deep inside of him. Sasaki just about screamed once the intrusion was made, his hands scrambling for purchase and he gripped Arima tightly by the shoulders, his nails digging into the older man's skin. Even if Sasaki was stretched, (albeit hastily) it wasn't enough—not without a form of lubricant but it seemed as though Arima had no mercy for him and he specified this by pulling out and pushing back into him several times without stopping or waiting for him to adjust to his thick girth.

This was punishment, Sasaki was certain of it. Punishment for turning what would be their last moment together as comrades (lovers perhaps) into a goodbye and throwing away the life Arima and everyone else had provided for him.

Gradually, the pumping of Arima's hips became slicker, allowing his member to slide in and out with more ease. Sasaki suspected that it was due to more than just precum alone and when the scent of blood reached his nostrils, he sobbed and yet still held on tightly to the older man like a life line.

Arima was far from gentle. When he grew tired of their position, he made sure to flip Sasaki over. Dumping him unceremoniously onto the mattress, he then lifted Sasaki up so that he was on his hands and knees with his head pressed down into a pillow to muffle his screams of pain and pleasure.

Pressing his member back into Sasaki's throbbing entrance, Arima then began to pound into him, pushing his length in deeper and deeper with each thrust. Their new position allowed for more access—more pleasure so to speak and Sasaki screamed into the pillow, sometimes even biting into it if only to help stifle some of the noise he was making.

"You will remember this." Arima panted above him, his hands gripping him by the hips as he rammed against his prostate repeatedly, over and over again without mercy. "I'll make it so you will never forget me."

"Ahh!" Sasaki screamed louder, his fingers clawing at the sheets beneath him. "N—no! Never, I'll never forget!" He cried out in reply, moving his hips along with Arima's intense movements.

Sweat soaked skin slapping against wet skin, their cries of pleasure escalating higher and higher—Sasaki let go first, coming in thick spurts across the bed sheets without even being touched. His inner walls tightened upon his release, the muscles squeezing Arima's member constantly. However Arima's impending orgasm didn't deter him from stopping—no, instead he kept thrusting, pumping his hips even as he came long and hard with a stuttered, drawn out groan of satisfaction.

Sasaki moaned loudly at the hot sensation filling him and when Arima's thrusts finally began to slow down he shivered from the dribble of the older man's overflowing seed sliding out of him along his softening member.

"Kishou…" He whimpered, tears down his cheeks all of a sudden.

When Arima finally slid his member out completely with a wet sound, Sasaki cried out from the loss, panting deeply. He then looked up over his shoulder at the older man, still tearing up and when Arima saw him, he leaned down only to gently wipe his tears away.

"Kishou." Sasaki said his name again, his voice broken now.

Arima hummed in response, laying his body down across his back. Sasaki's hips finally gave out from the added weight and when he fell against the mattress, flat on his front, Arima went down with him. The older man though, picked him up again; adjusting their bodies until they laid on their side with Sasaki's back pressed against Arima's chest. With Arima embracing him around his waist from behind, Sasaki laid his head back, his breathing calming down some but the pounding of his heart did not seize for a moment.

The feeling of kisses peppering along his neck made Sasaki moan softly, and he closed his eyes, his hands moving down his body until they found Arima's and he intertwined their fingers together. "Kishou, I love you, Kishou." He whispered.

The older man's ministration came to a stop once he heard Sasaki's words and although Sasaki was worried—he was also too tired to debate about it if his confession came to that. Arima instead, sucked along the side of his throat, his teeth grazing Sasaki's heated skin. The movements traveled up the length of his neck and when Arima nipped around the shell of his ear, Sasaki couldn't help himself from squeezing their fingers together harder.

"I love you too, Haise."

X

X

Sasaki could have stayed and never left everything behind the way he did but he and Kaneki needed to change things for the better.

The world is wrong. He repeated those words over and over again as he walked onto his destination, the white coat he'd been known for in over the past several years long abandoned but replaced with a new jacket—black like the night sky above him.

He'd lived in an illusion—a lie but now that reality had seeped into his dream, the world he knew (thought he knew), the world they all lived in, it was wrong.

Arriving at the front of :re cafe, Sasaki saw from the window that the staff were cleaning and upon closer inspection, he saw that the open sign had been flipped to close. That didn't stop him however and so he went ahead anyways and knocked on the door. Heads turned towards the sound and when he lifted up his hood to show his face, all three of them stopped to stare in awe.

The closest to the door, Nishiki was the first to act and casually he strode up without hesitation and unlocked the door for Sasaki. Swinging it open, Sasaki gave him a small but obvious smile, nodding his head in thanks as he walked in. His feet kept moving never stopping until he stood before Touka and Renji. Not too far behind him, Nishiki slid up beside him, his hands resting at his hips. The silence that continued around them was unnerving, Sasaki almost thought he'd lost his voice but deep down they all felt the same.

Looking around at everyone, from Nishiki to Renji and then Touka, Sasaki couldn't help the strain it took to open his mouth but he did it anyways albeit tearfully as the words were finally said. "I'm back, everyone."

Touka's face was the first to break out into a smile, accompanied by Nishiki and lastly Renji. "Welcome back, Kaneki."

In the back of Sasaki's mind, he found young Kaneki's amongst the spider lilies, waiting for him as always. Although standing a considerable distance from each other, he saw the younger's lips curve into a smile and without thinking the white haired child ran towards him. Sasaki kneeled down the next moment and instantly small arms stretched out wide until they embraced him around the neck tightly.

"Thank you for bringing me home."


End file.
